Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes, Act 2
by TheOrange
Summary: The Lost Episodes get into full swing with the addition of the first "human" characters sine that Spike Witwicky mook!
1. Episode 5 - A Day in the Life (of Jetsto...

**Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes - Season 1**

**ACT 2 - Bonds**

**Episode 5 - A Day in the Life (Of Jetstorm), by TheOrange  
Episode 6 - The Amazing Mr. Bamt, by TheOrange  
Episode 7 - Premature Speculation, by TheOrange  
Episode 8 - The Changeling, by TheOrange**

**EMAIL: [ lostepisodes@tfboogaloo.com ]  
OFFICIAL WEBSITE: [ http://www.trhonline.com/bmle ]  
ONLINE STORE: [ http://www.cafepress.com/bmle ]**

**If you want to be notified of further Lost Episodes updates, including new Phil Bond stories and the upcoming Robots in Disguise parody, send a blank email to [ tranfans-subscribe@tfboogaloo.com ]. You will be notified promptly of any updates to the Lost Episodes mythos!**

**Please also read Act 1 - Changes, Act 3 - Collisions, End of the Line, and the Phil Bond one-shot: Mr. Ngo.**

**Read Season 2 at [ http://www.trhonline.com/bmle ].**

* * *

**Episode 5 - A Day in the Life (Of Jetstorm), by TheOrange**

Somewhere in Cybertropolis 

**Jetstorm: to aero-drones There they are, nab them!**

**Jetstorm and his drones converge on two lone Maximals: Rattrap and Blackarachnia.**

**Rattrap: Who says "nab" nowadays? And why are we "lone" when there's two of us?**

**Blackarachnia: Quiet! Less talking, more running!**

**Rattrap: What good are we on foot? Man oh man, I wish I still had my Transmetal body. Stupid Jusenkyo virus...**

**As the aero-drones move in, it starts to rain.**

**Blackarachnia: Huh? Oh great. Now I'm soaked. Since when does it rain on Cybertron?**

**Rattrap: Don't you remember the time the Autobots returned to Cybertron via the space bridge to save Optimus Prime's life? The seekers shot into the clouds to make acid rain...**

flashback 

**Bumblebee: Circuits... fusing. Can't... hold out much... longer. Goodbye... Spike.**

**Spike: No! Get up! Don't leave me here, it's scary!**

**Bumblebee: It's.. too late... for me. Time to... join... the Matrix.**

**Spike: What will I do without you? I don't want to lose you!**

**Bumblebee: Hold me... Spike.**

/flashback 

**Blackarachnia: Well, maybe it didn't happen exactly like that.**

**Rattrap: Heh, that's not all, webs. Take a look at yourself.**

**Blackarachnia has turned into Tarantulas. S/he moans.**

**Blackarachnia/Tarantulas: Fantastic. How are we supposed to fight them now?**

**Rattrap: What are you talking about? You have Tarantulas's body now; you have built in weaponry.**

**BA/T: Hey, you're right! Let's toast 'em!**

**Jetstorm: No, you can't! That's no fair! What about the BS and P?**

**Rattrap: Eh, tell it to Fox Kids.**

**Jetstorm: NOOO!**

**Blackarachnia and Rattrap "slag" Jetstorm.**

**BA/T: Wasn't that a bit much?**

**Rattrap: What, you'd rather we blew him away all "nice-y nice-y"-like?**

**BA/T: Hrmm...**

**Rattrap: Stop that. It's scaring me.**

**They leave. Jetstorm is alone, the rain having taken care of his drones.**

**Jetstorm: Curse you! Curse you all! What am I supposed to do now? ... Jetstorm to Megatron.**

**There is no response, seeing as how the arm with the communications device was shorn off.**

**Jetstorm: Slag!**

**Jetstorm spies a nearby warehouse.**

**Jetstorm: Ah, good. I bet there's a converted lab in there. Now, all I have to do is drag myself over...**

**With his one good arm, Jetstorm pulls himself inside. He gropes along until he finds a familiar looking machine.**

**Jetstorm: A CR chamber... excellent. All I have to do is make the proper settings... what's this? These are all wrong. Ah, there we are.**

**Jetstorm props himself up in the device, labeled Experimental Transwarp Chamber, and passes out... only to wake up elsewhere.**

**Jetstorm: What the slag is this? Where am I, and why am I in Jet mode? Why can't I move? What is this stuff, plastic?**

**A large, menacing figure lurks over Jetstorm's incapacitated form.**

**Spqqky: I have you now, MWAHAHAHA!**

**Jetstorm: Oh... shit.**

December, 1999 - Inside Phil Bond's Pad - Way Out In the Boonies, Wisconsin 

**Phil Bond: Hey, check this out, man. Spqqky's selling a Jetstorm on eBay!**

**TheOrange: Dude! Where does he get this stuff?**

**Phil Bond: I don't know, but look, here it is! It's going to go for a lot, isn't it...**

**TheOrange: Why don't you just wait a month, dude? If you wait, it will only cost ten bucks. What is it now? Fifty?**

**Phil Bond: Yeah, I know. I just want to drive up the price.**

**TheOrange: ...**

**Phil Bond: Hey, don't worry. I'll get outbid.**

**TheOrange: Sure you will.**

**Phil enters his bid amount, name, and password.**

**Phil Bond: Well, we're going to find out now, won't we?**

**TheOrange: How much did you bid for?**

**Phil Bond: One hundred.**

**TheOrange: !**

**Phil Bond: That's amazing! How did you do that without speaking?**

**TheOrange: Are you insane?**

**Phil Bond: I won't win. I don't can't afford to win. If I had to pay the actual winning amount, I'd be broke. Yes, just me and Jetstorm on the corner, begging for handouts... Besides, one should never underestimate last-minute bidders.**

**Phil Bond reloads the page.**

**TheOrange: Haha!**

**Phil Bond: What?**

**TheOrange: You just won!**

**Phil Bond: Oh shit.**

Seven business days later 

**Phil Bond and Jetstorm are out on State Street in Madison, Wisconsin.**

**Jetstorm: I blame YOU for this.**

Inside Megatron's Palace of the Disembodied 

**Megatron: Tankorr! NickBee! Thrust! Blast it, where are you? Yeesssss...**

**The Thrust and NickBee enter.**

**NickBee: Everybody (YEAH!), rock your body (YEAH!), everybody...**

**Megatron: Please don't finish.**

**NickBee: But boss, the Vehicons are back (ALRIGHT!)!**

**Megatron: Yessssss... I see that. I have called you here because Jetstorm has gone missing. I want the three of you to find... where is Tankorr?**

**NickBee: Uh, we don't know, boss. He kinda disappears lately.**

**Megatron: Great Primus... When you find Jetstorm, find Tankorr as well. And don't come back if you fail. I mean it this time! Yessssss...**

December 1999 - State Street - Madison, Wisconsin 

**Phil Bond: Anyone have food to spare? A buck? Anything?**

**Jetstorm: What does this serve? Why are we not subjugating these weakling fools?**

**Phil Bond: What are you talking about?**

**Jetstorm: I will tell you what I am talking aboot! I am talking aboot...**

**Phil Bond: Haha!**

**Jetstorm: What?**

**Phil Bond: ignoring Jetstorm Anyone? A copy of the Onion? Sex? Anything?**

**Jetstorm: Why aren't we staying with this "girlfriend" of yours? She has 24-hour visitation rights, doesn't she?**

**Phil Bond: Anyone? I'll sell this deluxe Beast Machines Jetstorm toy to you for only thirty bucks!**

**Jetstorm: Hey!**

**A familiar pair walk up to Phil.**

**Geever: Hey, look, it's Phil!**

**Crawley: Hey man, what are you doing out here by yourself?**

**Phil / Jetstorm: pointing at eachother It's his fault.**

**Geever: Woah! Is that a Jetstorm? Where did you get it?**

**Phil Bond: From Spqqky on eBay.**

**Crawley: Dude, you must have spent a lot on that. Why didn't you just wait a month? If you had waited you could have gotten him for ten bucks. What did he cost? Fifty?**

**Phil Bond: Something like that. But I can sell him to you for one hundred! It's a real bargain.**

**Crawley: What's the point? I think I'll wait.**

**Phil Bond: Isn't it worth it just to be the first to have one?**

**Geever: The man has a point, Crawley.**

**Crawley: Sorry. I'm outta here.**

**Geever: to Phil Hey man, here's five bucks. I'll be back later, and we can talk business then, okay?**

**Crawley and Geever leave.**

**Jetstorm: I'm outta here.**

**Phil Bond: Hey, where are you going?**

**Jetstorm: I am SICK and TIRED of your incompetence! It's your fault we ended up in this god-awful place...**

**Phil Bond: But look, I have a Pikachu! Pika! Pika!**

**Jetstorm: ARRRGH! Jetstorm: AmScray!**

**Jetstorm flies off in a fit of rage.**

**Phil Bond: That's funny. I thought he liked Pokémon...**

In the warehouse/converted-lab area of Cybertropolis 

**Thrust: I found something.**

**NickBee: NickBee: Hot-ass mode!**

**Thrust stares.**

**NickBee: What?**

**Thrust transforms into robot mode as well.**

**NickBee: What is that?**

**Thrust: I think it's part of Jetstorm... his arm.**

**NickBee: GASP! Is this the end?**

**Thrust: No, there's a trail of mech fluid that leads into that converted warehouse.**

**NickBee: What are we waiting for? We're larger than life, let's go inside.**

**Thrust: I hate you. Really, I do.**

Inside the Lab 

**NickBee: Tankorr!**

**Tankorr: It is I.**

**Thrust: Megatron's been looking for you.**

**Tankorr: Has he now...**

**NickBee: Hey, is that a CR chamber? Sweet! I've been looking forward to a little R&R.**

**Tankorr hits NickBee in the face.**

**NickBee: Ow! My follicles!**

**Tankorr: Fool! This is no CR chamber, but rather a primitive transwarp test engine.**

**Thrust: So?**

**Tankorr: Jetstorm's inside.**

**Thrust/NickBee: What?!**

**Thrust: You can see him in there?**

**Tankorr: Indeed.**

**NickBee: So let's bust him out!**

**Tankorr: It's not that simple! Transwarp technology traverses both time AND space. Fixing this could be... tricky.**

**NickBee: What is there to fix? Open it up!**

**Tankorr: It's activated right now. This is an older model that runs on a quantum drive. It's physically divided him. Half of him is here, with us. The other half is... elsewhere.**

**Thrust: Where and when is he?**

**Tankorr: From all indications, Earth, 1999.**

**Nickbee: Hey, the height of my career!**

**Thrust: ignoring NickBee So what do we do?**

**Tankorr: I entice him to come back. I will send an agent to do my bidding.**

**NickBee: to Thrust doesn't he sound a little like Megatron?**

December, 1999 - Lake Monona - Madison, Wisconsin 

**Jetstorm: Here ducky ducky ducky...**

**Jetstorm lunges at a mallard, which shifts slightly, sending Jetstorm into the water.**

**Jetstorm: That's it! No more Mr. Nice Bad Guy! Jetstorm: Slow roast!**

**Jestorm transforms into jet mode and blows the bird away.**

**Jetstorm: Hahaha! Take that you insolent fleshling!**

**A fish's head pops out of the water, just as Phil Bond runs up to Jetstorm, out of breath.**

**Fur-Bearing Trout: Pssst! Jetstorm!**

**Jetstorm: What? Who said that?**

**Fur-Bearing Trout: It is I.**

**Jetstorm: ACK! What are you supposed to be?**

**Fur-Bearing Trout: The Fur-Bearing Trout.**

**Phil Bond: But trout don't live in Lake Monona! It's too toxic!**

**FBT: That's not important right now. Jetstorm, I have come to take you back to Cybertron.**

**Jetstorm: Uh huh.**

**FBT: Enter my maw... come on. Who are you going to trust?**

**Phil Bond: You aren't going anywhere! I can still resell you on eBay.**

**Jetstorm: Okay, I'm with you fishy.**

**Fishy: Hey!**

**Reality warps...**

Back on Cybertron 

**The chamber pops open.**

**Jetstorm: Where am I?**

**NickBee: Back with us. Hey, how was Earth?**

**Jetstorm: Horrible! It was horrible! I had this nightmare where I was really tiny, my entire body was different, and I had legs! My heart is still racing. Take my pulse.**

**Thrust: You don't HAVE a pulse...**

**Jetstorm: It must have been a dream...**

**NickBee: Then what's that?**

**On the side of Jetstorm's head is a lone sticker that reads "Property of Phil Bond."**

* * *

**Please feel free to go on to Episode 6 - The Amazing Mr. Bamt**


	2. Episode 6 - The Amazing Mr. Bamt

**Episode 6 - The Amazing Mr. Bamt, by TheOrange**

Inside Jetstorm's Quarters 

**Jetstorm: Haha! Pika pika! That's so cute! Haha!**

**NickBee: I don't get it.**

**Jetstorm: Quiet, he's beating up Jesse and James!**

**NickBee: Right...**

**Jetstorm: with the TV "It looks like team rocket is blasting off agaaaaaaain!"**

**NickBee: Are you still wearing that sticker?**

**Jetstorm: Don't touch that! It's a souvenir!**

**NickBee: This blows Ricky Martin. I'm going outside to practice my dance steps.**

**Jetstorm: Have fun.**

**The TV goes blank.**

**Jetstorm: Slag!**

**He pounds on the set.**

The Maximal Base 

**Primal: This is horrible, horrible!**

**Nightscream: What's up, boss?**

**Primal: The cable just went out! I was watching "The Matrix," you know, looking for inspiration. Buddha Buddha Buddha!**

**Nightscream: Why didn't you just interface with the Oracle?**

**Primal: Because... I believe someone has tampered with the Oracle.**

**Dum dum DUM!**

**Nightscream: Where did that come from?**

**Rattrap transforms and shoots Nightscream in the wing.**

**Rattrap: Shut up. What was that about the Oracle, boss-monkey?**

**Primal: Nothing important. Oh, where were we? Ah, yes... We are here today to acknowledge our dear departed friend, Rhinox...**

At the Citadel entrance 

**Nickbee and his BumbleCons are out in front doing a dance number.**

**NickBee: And 1, 2, 3, kick, sliiide, 6, 7, turn! 1, 2, jump, sliiiide, kick!, 6, 7, turn!**

**A bumblecon falls out of formation, causing an entire row to collapse.**

**NickBee: You _bumbl_ing idiot! You're messing up my routine! Do you know how long it took me to put this together? Do you!?**

**NickBee cries mech-fluid.**

**Megatron: from inside the Citadel NickBee!!**

**Nickbee: Uh oh, vending-machine-dragon boy sounds mad. Take five everyone. We'll shoot the video tomorrow.**

**Megatron: NickBee!!**

**NickBee: Yeah, I'm coming. Why don't you get me a Mellow Yellow, while you're at it...**

**Megatron: I heard that!**

**NickBee: Crap.**

Back inside 

**The three surviving Vehicons, Jetstorm, NickBee, and Thrust stand before Megatron.**

**Megatron: When was the last time you saw Tankorr? That is... before his demise.**

**The Vehicons think.**

flashback 

**Inside the converted lab/warehouse from A Day in the Life...**

**Jetstorm: What the slag are you pointing at?**

**NickBee: This.**

**NickBee peels a sticker from Jetstorm's head.**

**Jetstorm: What does it say?**

**Thrust: Weren't you paying attention last episode?**

**Jetstorm: You expect me to remember things from fic to fic? This isn't even a multi-parter!**

**Tankorr: I must go now...**

**Jetstorm: Hold up. You're pretty cool now. Why don't you come watch Pokémon with us?**

**Tankorr: I have things to do that are KEY to my plans...**

**Thrust: Say what?**

**Tankorr: I am plotting my VECTOR of escape as we speak.**

**NickBee: Huh?**

**Tankorr: I cannot reveal all to you! What do I look like, an ORACLE?**

**Jetstorm: What the hell is he talking about?**

**Tankorr: I need to go fake my own death and reprogram the diagnostic drone, now. Goodbye!**

/flashback 

**Jetstorm: I can't think of where he might have gone, my liege.**

**Megatron: I see... yeeessss...**

**Jetstorm: Your army will shine less... wait, what am I saying?!**

**Megatron: Fortunately, I have prepared for such a contingency. Yeesssss...**

**Jetstorm: Let's not forget your last attempt to replace him when he went AWOL.**

flashback 

**Megatron: Arise, Tankorr!**

**Tankorr: Me am here! Me Grimlock smash--**

**Megatron: Ah ha ha ha! No no, my friend. Your name is *Tankorr.* Tankorr, remember? Yessss...**

**Tankorr: Me Tankorr am transformed!**

**Megatron: No! "Tankorr, PULVERIZE!" Yessss...**

**Tankorr: Me am confused...**

/flashback 

**Megatron: Yesssss... that didn't quite work, did it? Noooo...**

**Thrust: And then you sent us after the Maximals.**

flashback 

**Our friendly Maximals are enjoying a mid-evening picnic and telling stories of old atop a structure shaped like Kryten's head.**

**Rattrap: ...and that's when old chopper-face flicked a little speck of dino-meat off his teeth!**

**Nightscream: That's disgusting!**

**Blackarachnia stares up at the night sky.**

**Diagnostic Drone: high in orbit, next to Unicron's head Gotta... push... head into... position... for... nighttime shot!**

**Blackarachnia: Weird...**

**Rattrap: What was that, webs?**

**Blackarachnia: ... doesn't anyone ever notice how it's always nighttime around here?**

**Primal: wearing his shades How do you mean?**

**Blackarachnia: You do realize you look just like... oh, never mind...**

**Cheetor: Optimus, get back into beast mode! You'll endanger the mission!**

**Primal: Yeah yeah, whatever.**

**Cheetor: Optimus, you obviously aren't feeling well. You're going to get us all killed. I think it's time I took over.**

**Primal: Sure, knock yourself out, kid.**

**Blackarachnia: Perhaps you should listen to Cheetor, Optimus, we don't want to attract any--**

**Cheetor: Vehicons!**

**The three Vehicon leaders enter the scene in a completely unnecessary anime-esque clip.**

**Nightscream: Here we go again. We get to fight the Vehicons and escape without a scratch on us.**

**Rattrap: Speak for yourself, wings. Rattrap MAXIMIZE!**

**Nightscream: Ulp. Not again...**

**Cheetor jumps onto one of the Vehicons**

**Cheetor: I got Tankorr!**

**Blackarachnia: No, he's mine!**

**Rattrap: Shouldn't you be off waxing Thrust's rigid grill structure?**

**Primal covers Rattrap's mouth.**

**Primal: Rattrap, please! Not in front of the boy!**

**Nightscream: Hey, who are you calling a boy?!**

**Rattrap shoots him in the kneecap.**

**Nightscream: Ow!**

**Rattrap: Heh heh heh.**

**Cheetor: Hey guys, check me out!**

**Tankorr to careens wildly all over the top of the building, with Cheetor holding on fast.**

**Cheetor: What do you say I send him over the edge?**

**Primal: Cheetor, no! This is Tankorr's replacement! We can't make him look bad on his first mission!**

**Cheetor: whining But, Optimuuus! You said I could be in charge until you got your strength back!**

**Primal: Really Cheetor, I'm feeling fine.**

**Cheetor: BUT I WANNA PUSH TANKORR OVER THE EDGE!**

**Rattrap: Shut up, Hot Rod.**

**Cheetor: I AM NOT HOT ROD!**

**Tankorr: Tankorr SMASH cat-bot!**

**Tankorr's gun careens wildly, knocking Cheetor off the building.**

**Nightscream goes to save Cheetor, and Rattrap shoots him in the wing.**

**Nightscream: Ow! What'd you do that for? I was trying to save Cheetor!**

**Rattrap: Eh... oops?**

**Primal: Forget about that, the Vehicons have priority!**

**Optimus smashes Thrust and Jetstorm together and throws them at Tankorr.**

**Thrust: Were are my legs? Why can't I feel my legs?!**

**Nightscream: You don't have any legs, just a stupid a wheel, duh.**

**Thrust: dazed Richie?**

**Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the face.**

**Nightscream: No! My beautiful nose!**

**Primal: I can't deal with that now!**

/flashback 

**Megatron: Yessss... I mean NO! That is all over with. I have created a new general, even more powerful than Tankorr! Yessss...**

**NickBee: You said "Yessss" twice in the same sentence.**

**Megatron: Silence! Yesssss... Vehicons. Meet your new comrade... Mr. Bamt!**

**A mole tank rolls out onto the floor.**

**Vehicons: Huh?!**

**NickBee: Cool beans! Mr. Limpet!**

**Megatron: No, you organic cretin! Mr. Bamt!**

**NickBee: That's what I said.**

**Megatron: Yes, ah, Mr. Bamt? Transform and show them what you've got! Yessss...**

**Mr. Bamt pops, whizzes, and whirrs, and finally transforms.**

**Thrust: Dear Primus!**

**NickBee: It's hideous!**

**Jetstorm: It's even uglier than Bulbasaur's naughty bits!**

**All: ...**

**Jetstorm: What?**

**Mr. Bamt: apologize......apologize to me right now.......to my face!**

**NickBee: Sure thing kid... uh... where is it?**

**Mr. Bamt: look at you........you are all acting like little eight-year olds!**

**Megatron: Vehicons! I order you to take Mr. Bamt to complete his first task: destroy the Maximals once and for all!**

**Thrust: You always say that.**

**Megatron: Perhaps, but this is a new episode. Circumstances are bound to fall in our favor. Yessss...**

**Mr. Bamt: I won't behave......YOU behave!**

**Megatron: Er, yeessss. Mr. Bamt will control Tankorr's drones. Now, be gone! And don't come back if you fail! I really really mean it this time! Yessss...**

Somewhere on the surface 

**Cheetor: Man, how do they find us?**

**Blackarachnia: It's not hard, considering you strut around in robot mode all day.**

**Cheetor: Well duh. Do you know how hard is it to eat pie with cat feet?**

**Rattrap: Man oh man, we're surrounded, there's no way out!**

**Cheetor: I say we make a run for it!**

**Nightscream: Where to? There are dozens of drones in the sky, and three times as many on the ground.**

**Rattrap: Rattrap, Maximize!**

**Rattrap shoots Nightscream.**

**Rattrap: Shut up.**

**Primal: We don't have time for that! Maximals, transform!**

**The Maximals transform, except for Rattrap, who again has avoided a continuity error.**

**Nightscream: If that's what you want to call it.**

**Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the wing.**

**Primal: Where is Blackarachnia?**

**Rattrap: Eh, she's still not back from recovering Silverbolt.**

**Nightscream: If that's what you want to call it.**

**Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the wing.**

**Nightscream: Ow!**

**Rattrap: You just aren't going to learn, are you kid?**

Nearby 

**Jetstorm: Mr. Bamt! What are you doing? Attack with your drones!**

**Mr. Bamt: no......**

**Thrust: What? We need you to close in on the Maximals!**

**Mr. Bamt: apologize..........apologize for everything that you ever said to me..............and i'll slag the maximals.**

**NickBee: I'm sorry! I was Mr. Happy Meal!**

**Jetstorm: Say what?**

**NickBee: I didn't say that, honest! He made me do it!**

**Mr. Bamt: did not........listen kiddie.......why don't you go to a planet that wants you........this planet needs to be saved............and i'm saving it! **

**Jetstorm: GASP! he sounds just like Tank--**

**All: ...**

**Jetstorm: I mean Megatron. Yeah... that's the ticket.**

**Mr. Bamt: apologize........and i will forget everything you ever did to me........**

**Jetstorm: Oh get real, we don't owe you any apology! You've been acting childish ever since you came online!**

**Mr. Bamt: i give up on you...............i'm leaving for a better place.**

**Mr. Bamt engages his thrusters and disappears into the night sky.**

**Primal: Maximals, attack!**

**Vehicons: Uh oh.**

Back at Megatron's place of perpetually dead people 

**Megatron: You guys suck! I should dismantle the lot of you. Yessss...**

**Jetstorm: It's not our fault, sir. Uh, sir... why are you wearing a blonde wig?**

**Megatron: Hmm? Oh, my drone told me it was in fashion this time of the year. Yessss...**

**Diagnostic Drone: Fool, I will crush you and Primal with my bare hands!**

**Tankorr: into drone's communication link No! Don't say that!**

**Drone: I mean, "cool, that Pikachu is playing with Misty's cans."**

**Jetstorm: Really? Where?**

**Tankorr: Idiot.**

**Megatron: Where did Mr. Bamt go? Yesssss...**

High in orbit 

**Mr. Bamt: apologize........right now!**

**Unicron: ...**

**Mr. Bamt: you are immature........argh!!!**

* * *

**Please feel free to go on to Episode 7 - Premature Speculation**


	3. Episode 7 - Premature Speculation

**Episode 7 - Premature Speculation, by TheOrange**

**Optimus walks in on Rattrap strangling Nightscream.**

**Primal: Rattrap, have you seen Blackarachnia?**

**Rattrap: Not for a while, boss monkey. I think she went to go recover Silverbolt.**

**Cheetor: After all, we all know that Silverbolt is Thrust.**

**Nightscream: gasping for breath Are you sure he isn't GAG! Jetstorm?**

**Rattrap: Be quiet and join the Matrix...**

**Primal: Rattrap, desist.**

**Rattrap: Oh, but Optimus... letting go I almost had it.**

**Primal: There's no time for that now.**

**Cheetor: Aww, no time for pie?**

**Primal: puts a giant hand on Cheetor's shoulder There will ALWAYS be time for pie.**

**Rattrap: Eh, that reminds me, Optimus. What do we run on? I mean, what do we use for fuel?**

**Primal: Energon, of course.**

**Rattrap: Alrighty, so where is it?**

**Primal: ...**

**Cheetor: Hey, yeah! I haven't seen a single bit of energon since we got here!**

**Primal: You know, for once the cat is right.**

**Nightscream: And it only took us, what, like six episodes to figure oot?**

**Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the wing.**

**Nightscream: Ow, what was that for?**

**Rattrap: You can't tell me you didn't see that coming.**

**Primal: Alright Maximals, the Matrix wills that we find more energon...**

**Nightscream: But I thought Cheetor -- ow!**

**Rattrap twirls his pistol.**

**Primal: ...so I will use the Oracle to help us find some. We start at once!**

**Rattrap: Oh boy... I can see where this is going...**

Somewhere in Cybertropolis 

**NickBee: ...so that's when I was all like, "Okay, Ms. Aguilera, you think you so fine?" Then Britney came in with a couple machine guns and started blasting away. She was such my bitch.**

**Jetstorm: Yeah, like that spider babe and Thrust here...**

**Thrust: I thought she was your girl!**

**Blackarachnia: jumping down on them There's a reason they call me a "black widow!"**

**NickBee: What? That didn't make any sense...**

**Blackarachnia throws some organic goo at the Vehicons.**

**Thrust: I'm hit!**

**Jetstorm: Argh! Me too!**

**NickBee: Hungry... talk for you!**

**Blackarachnia: ...what?**

**Vehicons: ACK!**

**Blackarachnia: Silverbolt?**

**Before anyone can answer, a swarm of aero-drones brandishing keys descend upon the unsuspecting Maximal.**

**Blackarachnia: No! Not now!**

**She throws a note with some of her webbing on the back at NickBee's head.**

Inside Megatron's House of Loose Change and False Teeth Emporium 

**Megatron: Are you sure?**

**Diagnostic Drone: I am certain, my liege.**

**Megatron ponders...**

**Megatron: Yesss...**

**Diagnostic Drone: What will you do, oh "mighty" Megatron?**

**Megatron: This Phil Bond sounds like a formidable opponent. If he is as ruthless and cunning as you say he is, then I suspect he is planning my demise as we speak.**

December 22, 1999 - Stoughton High School - Stoughton, Wisconsin 

**Phil Bond: Ms. Bobb? I forgot my pen, can you lend me one?**

**Ms. Bobb: I can't. If I gave you a pen, I'd have to give EVERYONE a pen.**

**Phil Bond: to himself Damn socialist...**

Back at Megatron's Think Tank 

**Megatron: Yesssss... load the key into all my tank drones. It's time we got started.**

**Drone: ...**

**Megatron: What are we getting started with again?**

**Drone: "Endgame?"**

**Megatron: Yesssss... pauses Endgame.**

Inside the Maximals' Greenhouse 

**Cheetor: out of breath So... tired...**

**Rattrap: We've been around this deserted ghost planet twice, and there's no energon anywhere!**

**Nightscream: The whole planet? I've only just gotten my goulashes on!**

**Rattrap pulls out his pistol.**

**Rattrap: Not. A. Word.**

**Primal: Cheetor, your pie is done!**

**Cheetor: Oh boy!**

**Nightscream: I thought you guys were out looking for energon!**

**Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the foot.**

**Nightscream: Ow! My British Knights!**

**Primal: Uh, well, I was communing with the Oracle, trying to probe the inner secrets of Cybertron -- Buddha Buddha Buddha! -- and, well, I just got this hankering for a good pie, you know?**

**Rattrap: GASP! There's mountains of it! What have you been making all that pie from?**

**Primal: That tree over there.**

**The tree waves. A piece of fruit falls off.**

**Rattrap: What in the name of Gouda?**

**Cheetor: over his pie I thought you stopped making those cheese references. Mmm, good pie, Big Bot!**

**Rattrap: Gouda is a kind of cheese?**

**Nightscream: Duh...**

**Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the back, sending him into the mountain of pie.**

**Rattrap: Say, why don't we scrap this energon search and use these pies instead?**

**Cheetor: mouth full We fuel up on energon, p-p-period!**

**Nightscream: Yuck, I got pie in my eye!**

**Rattrap: brandishing his gun Here, let me clear that out for you...**

**Primal: Wait, that's not such a bad idea. Maximals! Start harvesting!**

**Tree: Be gentle!**

Somewhere else in Cybertropolis 

**Silverbolt: What has happened? What am I doing here, and where is my lady love?**

**NickBee: Oh, my head...**

**Silverbolt: Here, let me help you...**

**Silverbolt removes the sticky note from NickBee's forehead.**

**NickBee: swatting at empty air Hey, watch the hair, pal! I just moussed!**

**Silverbolt reads.**

**Silverbolt: Oh, Blackarachnia, my heart's delight! She wants to meet me by the space port! Come, stranger, we shall meet her together!**

Somewhere Underground... don't you just hate how nonspecific I am? 

**Tankorr: Welcome back my drone!**

**Diagnostic Drone: I live only to serve you, my master.**

**Tankorr: Really?**

**Diagnostic Drone: No, I just don't want you to be aware of the power I posses.**

**Tankorr: ...**

**Diagnostic Drone: I mean, all has gone according to plan, my master.**

**Tankorr: Excellent, now go find my "brothers" to aid them in, ahem, finding ME.**

**Diagnostic Drone: Yeah yeah... just you wait until "End of the Line," you absolute twunk...**

**Tankorr: What's that?**

**Diagnostic Drone: ...those Germans think Hasselhoff is a hunk.**

**Tankorr: Well yes, they certainly do.**

**The drone attempts to leave.**

**Tankorr: to himself Finally, my plans are coming to fruition. My plot to distract Megatron so that I can install micro-cameras onto Jetstorm's head which will allow me to get in on some of that Blackarachnia action is coming off without a hitch! I will be the most powerful voyeur on Cybertron! Now all I need is an ISDN line to the net...**

**Drone: impatiently Are you done?**

**Tankorr: Yes.**

Back near the Space Port 

**Blackarachnia is putting on a strapless Armani**

**Blackarachnia: singing All we have to do now... is take these lies, and make them true, SOMEHOW!**

**Rattrap saunters by in Beast Mode.**

**Rattrap: Woah webs! What's with the dress? Hot date?**

**Blackarachnia: I'm meeting Silverbolt.**

**Rattrap: Really? You mean you finally recovered him from Thrust?**

**Blackarachnia: Thrust? I thought he was Jetstorm...**

**Rattrap: Whatever, I gotta get this boiling hot kettle to the boss monkey.**

**Blackarachnia: Watch it with that! What are you carrying around a hot tea kettle for?**

**Rattrap: We've found a new energy source, and we need this...**

**Blackarachnia: Fine, just watch it with that thing.**

**Rattrap: snickering Heh, okay. Have fun with your biker-bot.**

**Blackarachnia: whipping around I thought I told you--**

**Blackarachnia knocks the kettle over with one of of her rear legs.**

**Rattrap: Now look what you've done!**

**Tarantulas/Blackarachnia: Insolent vermin!**

**Rattrap: Have fun, I gotta get more water.**

Nearby 

**NickBee: points an accusing finger at the ground Why are we here again? And who are you?**

**Silverbolt: Show some respect for my lady! We are here so that she and I may be reunited.**

**NickBee: rolls his head about Cosmic, man...**

**Diagnostic Drone: gasping for "breath" Vehicons, Megatron has ordered you to find Tankorr, and -- ack! Who are you?**

**They hear a crashing tea-kettle sound nearby.**

**Silverbolt: Blackarachnia? Is that you, my duchess?**

**Tarantulas/Blackarachnia: trying to mimic her female voice Uh, yes, it is I...**

**Silverbolt: Come out my love, so that I may embrace you!**

**Tarantulas/Blackarachnia: I have to warn you, I look a bit different than the last time we met...**

**Silverbolt: You're in disguise my dearest, I understand.**

**The Diagnostic Drone snickers in the background.**

**Drone: This is going to be good...**

**Silverbolt: To NickBee Wait until you see her, she's the sweetest, most beautiful...**

**Tarantulas wearing Blackarachnia's torn Armani walks out of the shadows.**

**NickBee: squinting Woah! Hubba hubba! Groovy, man!**

**Drone: You were saying?**

**T/BA: I'm Blackarachnia. Sorry about this.**

High in orbit 

**A shadowy figure descends...**

**Shadowy Figure: must..........destroy............immaturity.........make them.........apologize........**

**To be Continued**

**Next time on The Lost Episodes:**

**Phil Bond: Stupid Y2K...**

* * *

**Please feel free to go on to Episode 8 - The Changeling**


	4. Episode 8 - The Changeling

**Episode 8 - The Changeling, by TheOrange**

**Last time on The Lost Episodes...**   
Inside Megatron's House of Loose Change and False Teeth Emporium 

**Megatron: This Phil Bond sounds like a formidable opponent. If he is as ruthless and cunning as you say he is, then I suspect he is planning my demise as we speak.**

cut 

**Rattrap: We've found a new energy source, and we need this...**

cut 

**T/BA: I'm Blackarachnia. Sorry about this.**

cut 

**Shadowy Figure: must..........destroy............immaturity.........make them.........apologize........**

And now the conclusion 

**Next to mountains of empty pie tins at the Maximal Greenery...**

**Tree: I feel so violated.**

**Cheetor: Oh boy! I'm stuffed.**

**Primal: Yes, all that pie seems to have incapacitated our Technorganic bodies. I'll check to see what the Oracle has to say about it as soon as my legs start working again.**

**Nightscream: Hey, did we leave any for Blackarachnia?**

**Nothing happens.**

**Nightscream: I *said,* "did we leave any for Blackarachnia?"**

**Nothing continues to happen.**

**Nightscream: Hey, where's Rattrap?**

Outside Megatron's, uh... you know the place 

**Rattrap is filling up a kettle under a water spigot.**

**Rattrap: Man, I sure am glad that there's easily accessible plumbing on a metallic planet where water could rust just about everything in sight.**

**A bright light flashes over the Citadel, and a shadowy figure begins to descend.**

**Rattrap: Hello... what's this? Rattrap: Maximize!**

**Rattrap Transforms and starts crawling up the wall.**

**Rattrap: Man, this would have been easier in Beast Mode...**

The Cybertropolis Space Port 

**Silverbolt: Stay back, base villain! You are not my one true love!**

**Tarantulas/Blackarachnia: Look, Silverbolt, I can explain!**

**Silverbolt: No need, you survived the Beast Wars and now you have come here! What have you done with Blackarachnia?**

**T/BA: getting angry How can you forget all we shared, Silverbolt?**

**NickBee: falling over slightly Woah man, this is getting kinky. Hehe! I wish Starscream were here to see this!**

**Starscream: I am not gay!**

**Diagnostic Drone: to Tarantulas/Blackarachnia Look my dear, it will do you no good, I suggest you give it up. All he can see and hear is Tarantulas.**

**T/BA: Who are you?**

**Bob Skir/Drone: Bob Skir.**

**T/BA: Ah, I see.**

**BS/D: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm needed at the Citadel.**

**NickBee: dazed Groovy...**

**Silverbolt: You leave me no choice, there's only one way to settle this!**

Inside the place that Bob Skir just said he needed to go 

**Hanging from the ceiling we see...**

**Rattrap: in robot mode Those are Tank drones... they look like they're armed to the teeth. Man, I better contact Optimus. Wait, hold up...**

**The Drone scurries in, and Megatron greets him.**

**Megatron: Are my tank drones ready?**

**Diagnostic Drone: Yes, my liege.**

**Megatron: Excellent, yessss... begin deploying them at once.**

**Shadowy Figure: Belay that, sucka!**

**Megatron: What?**

**A shadowy figure descends from the ceiling, and lands in front of Megatron and the Drone.**

**Megatron: You!**

**Shadowy Figure: yes.........i see you are still here..........haven't you left yet, kiddie?**

**Megatron: No one speaks to me in that manner!**

**Shadowy Figure: your mistake kiddie.............im back and im gonna kick your keester.................**

**Megatron: Quickstrike?**

**Shadowy Figure: no.........benny bamt!**

**Dum dum dum!**

**Diagnostic Drone: retracting his head-mounted speakers Sorry...**

**Megatron: "Benny?" You have taken a first name? Yessssss...**

**Mr. Bamt: not quite kiddie........when I left cybertron.......i was caught in a timewarp which sent me back to 20th century earth................badly damaged a film crew there rebuilt me as a stage prop for total recall............**

**Benny: jumping out of Mr. Bamt's cockpit That's where he met me, sucka!**

**Megatron: By the pit, what is this?**

**Mr. Bamt: i had benny binary bonded to me so that we could fulfill my programming................to seek out immaturity and annoy the kiddies incessantly until everyone leaves.................and then i make them apologize**

**Diagnostic Drone: Perhaps Phil Bond sent him to destroy you, my liege.**

**Megatron: 20th century Earth, you say? Then the powerful Phil Bond is undoubtedly preparing his final assault at this very moment!**

January 1, 2000 - The End of All Existence - Earth 

**The eternal fires of hell blaze around Phil Bond as he fends off demons with TheOrange's C9.8 G1 Megatron.**

**Phil Bond: Stupid Y2K...**

Back inside Megatron's Tetris Warehouse 

**Mr. Bamt: you are immature.............you must be purged from this planet.**

**Megatron: I knew giving my drones their own spark was a bad idea.**

**Diagnostic Drone: You're absolutely right, sire. Hard programming is the only way to ensure loyalty...**

**Megatron: narrowing his eyes You shall not win, Mr. Bamt! I am taking you out! Yessssss...**

**Mr. Bamt: benny............return!**

**Benny: Mr. Bamt: Ridicule!**

**Mr. Bamt and Benny combine into a large, and grotesquely hideous robot, armed to the teeth with lots and lots of nasty little drills.**

**Diagnostic Drone: Oh my, I didn't see this one coming...**

**Benny Bamt: Forward, my Armadildrones! Yo! I'm gonna bust a cap in yo' ass, sucka!**

**Megatron: You have to survive the devastation of my ultimate weapon first. Yesssss...**

**Benny Bamt: Prepare to dance, foo'!**

The Space Port, again 

**Tarantulas/Blackarachnia: I can't believe I'm doing this.**

**NickBee: Keep it up! This is like watching Animal Planet!**

**Silverbolt: A little higher...**

**T/BA: This isn't even your original body.**

**Silverbolt: Behind the ear, if you could, please.**

**T/BA: What ear?**

**NickBee: Can I be next?**

**Silverbolt/Blackarachnia: No!**

Back to the battle 

**Out of nowhere, several bombs fall from the ceiling (okay, I guess it wasn't from "nowhere...") and destroy several of the drones.**

**Rattrap: Is this a private argument, or can anyone dish out the abuse?**

**Benny Bamt: Quiet, sucka! Before I bust a move on you!**

**Rattrap: Oh, I'm so scared.**

**Megatron: Join me, Rattrap! Together we can defeat this insolent fleshling! Yessssss...**

**Rattrap: No thanks, I think I'll just go drown in a sewer instead.**

**Benny Bamt: Not if I kill you first!**

**Silence. All the drones stop dead in their tracks.**

**Megatron: What did you say?**

**Benny Bamt: You got rust in yo' audio receptors, foo'?!**

**Megatron: I think you misunderstand, we don't actually try to "kill" each other on this show. Noooo... we just shoot at the Maximals and if we actually manage to hit them they revert to Beast Mode. Yesssss...**

**Benny Bamt: Then how do you expect to defeat them, sucka?**

**Megatron: They usually feel really bad afterwards. Yesssss...**

**Benny disengages from Mr. Bamt.**

**Benny: To Mr. Bamt Yo! You didn' say nuthin' about that to me! This is wack, man!**

**Mr. Bamt: you are so immature.............i would expect this from a cab driver............**

**Benny: heading for the door You wanna say that again, sucka? You drag my mutant ass all the way out here for this? Yo! I've got five kids to feed!**

**Mr. Bamt: why dont you grow up kiddie............no one likes you.............i came here to save this planet once and for all...................i bet you arent even married**

**Benny: Yo! What's that foo'?**

**Diagnostic Drone: I have somewhere to be. Excuse me.**

**The Drone leaves.**

**Rattrap: Yeah, I think I better check on Optimus and the others...**

**Rattrap transforms into Beast Mode and scurries off.**

**Benny: Aw man, now who are we supposed to fight?**

**Mr. Bamt: apologize to me right now..................and ill forget everything you ever did to me.................**

**Megatron: heading for that hole in the ceiling I'm going to go take a bath. Where did I put that rubber ducky? Yesssss...**

**Main door shuts, the hole in the ceiling covers itself over.**

**Benny: Yo! I ain't gotta take this shit from you, man! I'm outta here!**

**Mr. Bamt: leave kiddie........everyone wants you to...........your helping me save this planet**

**Benny: That's it, I'm kickin' your ass now, sucka!**

**Mr. Bamt: try it kiddie!**

**The lights go out, leaving the pair alone in the dark.**

**Mr. Bamt: you are immature!................apologize!**

Epilogue 

**Rattrap comes back to base only to find his comrades lying about on the floor.**

**Rattrap: Rattrap: Maximize! looks around What in the name of my great aunt Arcee is goin' on here?**

**Cheetor: Too much... pie. Light... fading...**

**Rattrap: Primus! Dickhea-- I mean, Nightscream, why didn't you warn them about the fruit?**

**Nightscream: struggling to move It just looked too delicious.**

**Rattrap: By Cybertron, this new fuel has turned you all into fat lazy slobs. There's only one thing to do...**

**Rattrap unholsters his gun, aims it at Nightscream's head, and fires. Nightscream dodges, and the blast incinerates the stacks of pies behind him.**

**Rattrap: Rats, I missed...**

**Cheetor: No! My pie! What am I going to do?**

**Primal: At least we'll have a chance to turn back to normal.**

**Cheetor: But my pie!**

**Rattrap: Shut up, Hot Rod.**

**Cheetor: I AM NOT HOT ROD!**

**Cheetor tries to run away, but his limbs refuse to work. He covers his face and whimpers instead.**

**Rattrap: Well, you guys missed out on some pretty fierce action. Megatron went toe to toe with one of his old generals.**

**Primal: propping himself up He did? Megatron's gone too far this time!**

**Nightscream: No he hasn't!**

**Rattrap shoots Nightscream in the wing.**

**Blackarachnia walks in on the tussle.**

**Blackarachnia: still in Tarantulas form Am I missing out on something?**

**Cheetor: It's Tarantulas, get him! That's an order!**

**The Maximals start lumbering towards Blackarachnia, and Rattrap fires his gun in the air. Blackarachnia gets sprayed by a punctured water main.**

**Blackarachnia: Cut it out! It's me!**

**Rattrap: Sorry webs, we still aren't used to that.**

**Blackarachnia: You're the one who poured hot water on me!**

**Rattrap: Yeah, but that was LAST episode.**

**Cheetor: Did you find Silverbolt?**

**Blackarachnia: Yeah...**

**Nightscream: So who was he, Thrust or Jetstorm?**

**Blackarachnia: Huh?**

**Cheetor: We have this bet going...**

**Blackarachnia: Oh, I forgot. I wasn't paying attention.**

**Silence.**

**Primal: I need to go commune with the Oracle. Tries to move Uh, Rattrap... help me up?**

Some place undisclosed 

**Tankorr: Yes, all went just as I suspected...**

**Diagnostic Drone: Well, not everything.**

**Tankorr: What's that?**

**Diagnostic Drone: I forgot to install those cameras.**

**Tankorr: Damn you Skir!**

**The End**

* * *

**Please feel free to go on to Act 3 - Collisions**


End file.
